As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
