Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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