I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
