filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
