She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
