Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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