I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
