Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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