He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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