Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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