i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
