my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
