Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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