can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize