Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
