I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
