are you still at the devil's house?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
