new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
