I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
high people should be assigned attendants
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
