i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
high people should be assigned attendants
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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