His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
