hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
