I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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