She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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