Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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