On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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