Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
