I think I am morally bankrupt
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
