you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
