believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize