Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just pee around me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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