Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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