elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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