Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
