we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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