Soap is not a condiment
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
