I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
