I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
