The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
