I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
