i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
