it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
