we have pet lesbian snakes
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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