saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize