She said her name was "party"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
