five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
