you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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