Buhtt sex?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize