I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Found the puke drawer
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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