so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
