What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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