the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
