I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Its about making memories worth repressing
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
