I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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