I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
