On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
worst night to have a conscience
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
