shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
