Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
