Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
