My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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