How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
