Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
