Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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