He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
