come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
