Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
