He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
