You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i love accidental penises.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
