Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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