I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize