Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Two words: blizzard sex
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
