NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
