I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
